I sincerely love the smell of the rain. I know I’m not actually smelling “rain” but rather the chemicals and oils given off by spores and plants as well as the ozone…But still it sounds prettier to say “the smell of rain” than “the smell of ozone and byproducts of living organisms”. There is something alluring about rain. Everything about it is wonderful to me. I love storms…big powerful scary storms filled with lots of thunder and lighting…small drizzles of rain that cast a gloominess into the whole day. I love it. All of it. The rain makes me want to drink coffee and read a book…or write a novel…I feel pensive when it rains.

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Life is difficult….There’s no manual, no guidebook, no way to really know if you’re “getting it right”. Some days are harder than others to navigate…Today is one of those days. I woke up exhausted, with this pervasive cloud over my head that I can’t quite describe. At first it felt like melancholy…but I think despondent is more accurate…I’ve struggled all day to find the motivation to do anything really. The weight of life….questions that are unanswered….longing for something I can’t articulate….it all accumulates into this despondent cloud. The desire to allow the cloud to overwhelm me is great…almost as if it is calling to me, beckoning me to succumb to it. There are no verses, or prayers, or coping skills that seem to have enough power to make it go away…

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